"I Am More Than Content With The State Of Mind I Am In"

Who the heck knows where to start? Well, I see no point in reviewing the past two and a half months. In short, between transitioning to my new job and transitioning into my new house, I've had very little free space left in my brain. I've been happy and appreciative of all these great new things in my life...and incredibly stressed out all at the same time.

You always think that you can just think positively and things will be easier...but that's just not the way it works. Moving on and big changes are great, great things...but man, they can suck, too!

But it's all good. I'm not longer dealing with needing antibiotics every few weeks or my dad's cancer (he's finished with his chemo) or feeling stuck in a town and a sad apartment in which I didn't feel welcome. So as difficult as it is to transition and as tired as I've been from all my recent travel, I'm in a much happier state of mind.

Which means I can get back to my life. And THEN I'll figure out when I can write regular posts. :)

"Some Fantastic"

My oh my oh my....

So it's been forever and here's why. I spent the month of May in a cloud because my father was ill. But now he's fine, so that's good.

The week he got out of the hospital, I was informed of a full-time marketing position right here in Connecticut. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back to work full-time since the freelancing had been going well, but I never shrug off an opportunity that has landed in my lap. I figured, I could talk to some people.

So on a Monday, I scheduled an interview for Thursday.

Now, rewind for a second. For a few months, I've really been hating my apartment. But I figured I should stay because I didn't want to deal with the stress and cost of a move...and besides, it's not like I was going to buy anything. So since I was going to be renting, it was just adding cost on top of cost and it wasn't worth it.

HOWEVER, this job prospect came up and in the three days that I was prepping for my interview I realized...holy crap! there's one HUGE benefit to going back to work full-time. I could probably *buy* a place.

So my mom and I looked at a condo that she knew was for sale by owner on Wednesday. She already had an offer on it, but she said she could hold out on accepting it until I knew the deal with this new "job."

That was on Wednesday. On Thursday, I interviewed and was offered the job on that same day.

On Friday, my mom and I visited every condo in my price range available at the complex that I liked and found the most perfect one. I put in an offer for it on Sunday. I accepted my job offer on Monday.

I started my job the next Monday. And then I took the trip to LA that I had scheduled in May when my father got home from the hospital. I got back on Wednesday from that. Came to work yesterday and today. And I'm off again on Sunday to South America for a business trip. I come back next Saturday. My closing is the Monday after that.

Then my cousin gets married that Friday. And I move the very next weekend.

There went June and July!

So that's where I've been. I won't be around for a while, but hopefully come August, I can get back to my regular updates and more amusing posts. I owe Pat some irreverent humor since he's been sorely disappointed in my blog humor thus far.

But the best news is that it seems (and I don't want to speak too soon), that I've emerged from a tunnel into a shining sun. It feels good to laugh again. And to feel joy radiating from my core...to not feel like I need to contract and protect it. It feels good to feel good again and to finally have some evidence that Life is on my side.

One more Sink Kitty. This is Wiki Sink Kitty. I've met this cat and she's awesome. That attitude you see in her eyes? Yeah...that's for real.

"Put a smile on..."

So I've hung out with my dad quite a bit lately...and that's done wonders for my mood. Simply because the man is HILARIOUS!

Laughter heals.

So in the spirit of happier times, I'd like to post a tribute to Sink Kitties.

---
What is it about cats? They've all got their own idiosyncrasies and such...but there are also things that are uniquely feline and apply to all cats -- like sleeping in sunbeams, climbing as high as they can, and curling up in tiny corners.

Today I discovered that they also love hanging out in the bathroom sink. They don't
sleep there...it's not a place where they go to conk out. They literally hang out and contemplate life, I guess. Or maybe it's the cool....

Anyway, feel free to send me your Sink Kitties. Here are a few of my favorites:

I'll start with my little monkey Jasper:




And then there's Suzanne's Sink Kitty:




Here is Manisha's Sink Kitty:




And here are some that Lynn discovered...even though they are not her Sink Kitties:



Like I said, if you have a Sink Kitty, send it along and I'll post him/her on the site :)


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So, just out of curiosity I did a google search for "sink kitty" and here's what came up. I'm amazed...sort of.


I guess sometimes they *do* sleep:



This one looks a little annoyed about the interruption:



This is Billy:



This one barely fits:



This one is too big to fit in the bathroom sink, so he graduated to the kitchen sink:

Update:

Everyone is fine. I woke up with the three of them cuddled up with me this morning.

Apparently peace plant lilies are not "true lilies"--so it causes GI distress but no liver toxicity. I still had to wake up a few times during the night to make sure they were alive and not puking up more plant bits.

sigh

No more drama for a while, please.

And please...if you ever want to get me something...get me a nice pen or a bottle of wine or a gift certificate to Target or I-tunes. Just no.more.peace.plants.

Fuck fuck fuck!!! FUCK!!

No, that's not a joke. I'm mid-freak out and it's too late to call anyone.

One of the cats ate the flowers off a peace lily plant that I just brought home. It was a gift. And I left it in the dining room because usually they don't eat plants. Tucker has been known to chew on leaves but they don't eat flowers.

I even had a huge peace plant for a while, and they never touched it. But now I come home and there's puke on the floor that's got three (three!!) flowers in it. The plant's all chewed up...and I don't know who did the chewing.

So why am I freaking out? Well, it's because these plants are poisonous to cats. As in toxic. As in bad things can happen to a cat if it eats one...*especially* the flowers. The flowers are the *worst* part.

I had to call Animal Poison Control. They charge you $55 for a phone call before they can tell you whether or not your cat just ingested something that could kill it. And you pay it because you're scared that your animal is going to start having seizures and die.

There's nothing I can do. What's done is done and now I just need to watch and wait and try to intervene if someone takes a bad turn.

Man! This is the last thing I need right now. I *don't* need another reason to lose sleep at night. I don't need another thing to scare the hell out of me. I don't need to lose another cat.

I hate this. Fragile things break...so we're careful with them. Why don't we get the same break? When we are fragile, why can't Life be a little more considerate? Mom was right when she said that Life wasn't fair...but I wish that the bad things could be spaced apart a little bit more...and not one on top of the other.

Motherfucker.

Wrap Your Arms Around Me

So I've been gone for a while from the blogworld. I tried. I really tried.

But I had somewhat of a crisis--not like "the world came crashing down on me" crisis, but some very unnerving news. And until you get news like that, you just don't know how you'll ever react. It truly changes the way you go about your day...and it takes a lot to process.

And as I was processing (and I still am processing), my ability to express anything was completely dammed up. I tried--lots of times--to put it all into words. But I couldn't write or say or sing/sign/draw anything that could help me make sense of it all. I could just cry and stay awake at night. And so that's what I did. That's what I've been doing.

But I actually don't want to talk about that. I don't want to recount it or relive it at all.

What I do want to talk about is the fact that I've had some precious moments because of (or maybe in spite of) all this.

I am constantly amazed at the things and the people that console when Life decides to deliver a swift kick to the gut. It's never what you expect--it's never who you thought who provides comfort.

There are, of course, the usual suspects--your people--who show right up and bookend you so you don't fall all over the place. And I love them for that. I'm so lucky to have that.

But there are also the small gestures and the simple acts of kindness from some folks you wouldn't expect--and they have a bigger impact that one would ever imagine.

Who could anticipate that a walk and an ice cream sandwich would be so soothing? Or that that a kind note and a girly night out would help get you on more even ground?

When I reflect on the last two or so weeks, those are the things that jump out to me. It surprises me that they were just as comforting as the support a close friend can (and did) provide. Those are the things that you can grasp--they're what's tangible when your whole world is swimming around.

Bad things happen. And you go numb. But people reach out, and you can still feel it.

And that's what you remember. You don't remember the shock or the numb or the desperation.

You remember the ice cream sandwich and the way the sun felt on your face. And the sweetness of a good friend regularly checking in. You remember the ginger creme anglais and swooning over Jude Law.

I will always be thankful that there are simple things like dessert and sunshine to lift one's spirits. But I'm mostly thankful for the people who reach out and so kindly gift them.

We are sad enough to know...we must laugh again

Virgina Tech:
I've wanted to comment, but I stayed away from the TV and the internet for a while. These situations break my heart and make me question so much. It's overwhelming and my emotions get the best of me. So I have only one clear thought: The *one* place where our kids should be able to count being safe is school.

Nikki Giovanni's address at Virginia Tech:
We are Virginia Tech.

We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning.

We are Virginia Tech.

We are strong enough to stand tall tearlessly, we are brave enough to bend to cry, and we are sad enough to know that we must laugh again.

We are Virginia Tech.

We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did nothing to deserve it, but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night away to avoid being captured by the rogue army, neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devastated for ivory, neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water, neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized.

No one deserves a tragedy.

We are Virginia Tech.

The Hokie Nation embraces our own and reaches out with open heart and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds. We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid. We are better than we think and not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imaginations and the possibilities. We will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears and through all our sadness.

We are the Hokies.

We will prevail.

We will prevail.

We will prevail.

We are Virginia Tech.

"This is what it takes to drive a [wo]man to drink"

So I'm back from a month away...from the blogworld, that is. I was only gone from Connecticut for two weeks.

Life exploded, though. I started a freelance project in NY and it made my timing so screwy. Good screwy, but screwy. I'm just starting to get used to it now and it's all kind of evening out. Which is a good thing.

I don't even know where to start. Puerto Rico was not a vacation...at all. Sure I had four days on the beach, but the drama that preceded and followed really overshadowed those days.

And when I say drama...I say full on breakdowns where I am sobbing uncontrollably and feeling particularly bereft of my experience.

I've processed and vented, so I don't feel the need to recount the details. But I will say this: If you want to know where your edges lie, spend two weeks with your mom and extended family. And then have everyone get in your way and try to tell you what you can and can't handle, what you can and can't do. Gives me agita just thinking about it.

I know so much more about what I need and how I operate just by being around a whole lot of people who are *completely* the opposite.

And that will be valuable one day. Right now, I still have a scab from the whole trip. And you know how it is with those...they bother you and you just want to pick them off...but if you do, you bleed. So you just have to deal.

On the bright side, I did learn a ton about my family. I saw where my parents got married and the house where my mom grew up. I spent time with my hilarious aunt and uncle who I never see. I had a really nice BBQ while I was visiting with my dad. I read letters that my grandmother sent home from Europe where they lived from 1963-65, and got her perspective. And best of all, I got a Life magazine from December 3, 1963. It's the one that covered JFK's assassination. It's half ripped because it's been hiding at my grandmother's for so long...but it's pretty cool.

Here's the real silver lining, though. I went down to PR for two reasons: 1)vacation time (which really didn't happen) and 2)to tend to my grandmother who had been pretty depressed. And she was in SUCH a better mood by the time I left. It was a complete turnaround. So if I had to accomplish only one of those goals while on vacation, I'm glad it was the good one.

I keep thinking that I'll write more about it...but I really don't think I will. I appreciate the experience, but I'd really rather forget about it. It's not what I needed right now, but it's what I got. So I can accept that and move on.

I'll write more about the project I'm working on and other plans in the workings. Soon. :)

I'm going to Puerto Rico in two and a half hours. I'll be there for two weeks! I don't know if I'll post. But if I don't...that's where I'll be!!! :)